Inconsistentcies

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I can honestly say that the only drug I have ever only tried is marijuana. And I’ve enjoyed it only a handful of times. I have a friend who is quite into trying different drugs. And to be honest it kinda scares me but hes responsible and he is not putting anyone in danger so I think its his right to choose to do it. I have no right to tell him to stop.

Alcohol is a scary thing for me. I have so many alcoholics in my family that it feels like every time I have a drink,I have the potential to fall into being an alcoholic. So right now I’m being as careful as I can.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I am spiritual. I believe that there is a God but I don’t agree with how some people are acting as his “voice” I have to believe that there is something more out there and yes I do pray sometimes when I really need it. I grew up in a house that wasn’t religious but when I got to high school I went to church on my own. I met some of the most racist, misogynistic people there. They judged me on my clothes and the color of my hair. Churches should be a place of worship and tolerance not intolerance.

I am losing my friend again. It really shouldn’t surprise me I knew it would happen. It sorta reinforces with in me the feeling of well he has a girlfriend so why bother with me anymore. He can hang out and be friends with her and fuck her too, which was something we never did because we were friends, even best friends. But what need does he have for me anymore. I dont know what to say to him, Im really hurting. I went through a really bad point and I really needed a friend and he wasn’t there. And those dark blinding hot thoughts were there still, float beneath the surface. We are never fully recovered. It is only longer times between us falling to the earth again.